Guy's Guy™

Building Your Digital Dating Presence – Part 1: Getting Started


“The beginning is the most important part of the work.” Plato, THE REPUBLIC

Before jumping into the digital dating fray, take a deep breath, exhale, and relax. Dating is supposed to be fun, right? As Plato knew so many centuries ago, how we begin often determines our chances for success. Our first steps are critical in making that all-important first impression and drawing the kind of person to you that you want to date. Too often singles rush into online dating fueled by emotional triggers like eagerness, anxiety, and desire. They quickly sign up for a plethora of web services and apps based solely on their friends’ experiences without fully considering which services best fit their particular needs. Then they slap together a profile, upload it, and hope for the best. This kind of approach will rarely bring success. To avoid wasting time attracting and engaging with the wrong people, your digital platform should clearly communicate who your are, what you want, and what you offer to the thousands of singles who will be looking at your profile online. If you take the time to set yourself up the right way, you’ll save yourself a lot of frustration and disappointment and have much better odds for attracting your ideal mate.

HOW MANY DATING SERVICES ARE RIGHT FOR YOU?

Initially, talking to your friends is a good way to get some candid views of what’s out there. They can tell you the pros and cons of the apps and sites they use, but before signing up for any of them. It’s important to determine how much time you really have for dating and how many websites and apps you can handle or else you can get overwhelmed. I suggest choosing no more than three services or apps when starting out. If offered, try a trial membership before committing. This way you can get a feel for the various features before committing to a membership. Keep your initial list to a minimum. Managing a number of subscriptions takes time, so limiting the number makes the process manageable. It also protects your profile from overexposure. Other daters who’ve subscribed to multiple dating services will certainly see your profile as it pops up. Due to the algorithms used by most dating websites, new profiles or profiles with changes usually zoom to the top. If you are over forty and plastered all over dozens dating websites, other prospects may view you as desperate. Another practical consideration is money. Almost all the dating websites and apps charge fees and this can add up quite quickly. Better to reserve more funds for all of those dates you’re going to score. Remember, after you get comfortable with the nuances of online dating, you can always sign up on additional websites.

YOUR PROFILE

Do Your Research – A great way to get started is by looking at other profiles and seeing what others have done that you like. Ask yourself what kind of information was shared and how it was framed that sparked your interest. This includes not only what others included, but also what was left out of these profiles that made you want to know more about that particular person. Scanning profiles doesn’t take long and it can be fun. It’s a worthwhile investment that can help prepare you to craft a winning profile.

Keep it Brief and to the Point – Putting together a crisp, to-the-point bio may sound easy, but many daters over forty including professionals, business executives, and teachers struggle when crafting their online dating ‘resume’. Many are uncertain where to begin and what to highlight in their profile. They over-think the process and weave long, wordy, tedious biographies instead of short, easily digestible profiles. Age is certainly a factor in this. The older we get, the more we’ve seen and done. Many of us may have already gone through first marriages and careers and are already into the second and third chapters of our lives. So it’s better to keep this biography streamlined. Focus on current interests and only include details that are important to you now. Remember, the profile is a reflection of the person who writes it. So regardless of good looks or personal accomplishments, if what they post is overly long, ponderous bio, readers will subconsciously wonder if he or she is boring, too. That’s why it is important to keep your copy focused and on the short side. Everything included should only reinforce your personal brand image.

 On the flip side, keeping things brief does not mean writing so little that things appear disjointed, and for some brevity is a euphemism for laziness. For example, there are a lot of guys who don’t take their profile seriously. They throw a few sentences together and post it with a few random photos. They assume that everyone will know who they are and what they are all about, but, the point is, everyone doesn’t, and most won’t waste time trying to find out when there are so many other profiles that are clearer and easier to read. A dater’s bio and photos are the most critical components of your online dating presence, so it’s worth the time to craft them to a level of the people they want to meet. So, what should you include?

Cover the basics about yourself, the type of person you are looking for, and what you have to offer. That means sharing what you do for a living, where you live, your interests, and the kind of people with whom you like to socialize. A few short paragraphs are all that’s necessary. Keep your profile crisp, short, and fun. Leaving a little mystery and something for the imagination can work wonders.

To be continued…