Things We’ve Had Enough of, Thank You.
Guy’s Guys are optimistic by nature, but even we have our limits.
Of course there is an endless supply of things to complain about, but let’s put a twist on it and shout out a mini-rant featuring a handful of those people and things that we’ve had our fill of. Let’s send them off with a wave, our best wishes and a kick in the pants. Here’s your Guy’s Guy list of people and things that need to take a hike.
1. Housewives Shows
What began as a fun send up on Orange County has turned into a 24/7 marathon mash up of bad behavior from groups of entitled, mean-spirited, and materialistic and intellectually challenged rich women in various cities. At what point will the viewers finally say, “Enough!” Close behind are the growing number of reality-based real estate programs. Bitchy men, anyone?
2. Yoga pants and scrunchies
Ladies—complain all you want about men and their ball caps. Your addiction with yoga pants and pulled-back hair has drowned out women’s fashion like a tsunami. Okay, we get it. Black tights are slimming, but everyday, everywhere and for every occasion? Yoga pants are like tracksuits were in the eighties. I’ve got nothing against comfort or seeing fit women coming from yoga class, but remember when track suits were worn by athletes, not Tony Soprano?
Have some creativity, ladies, and I don’t mean digging out the leg warmers.
3. Ads for Insurance Companies
Let’s get this straight. We don’t need our insurance company to be our goofy friend when they’re really creeps that keep their hands in our wallets. They want our money. That’s all, amigo. Hey global insurance conglomerate, kindly send us the bill, STFU and otherwise leave us alone.
4. Flavored booze
I worked on the launch of the first round of Stoli flavors. Great natural tastes like vanilla, orange, peach and even coffee. Twenty years on we have bacon, wedding cake, strawberry swirl, and even rang tang-flavored vodka. I think the flavor spectrum has been more than adequately covered, thank you. And now the flavor explosion has infected rum, rye and even tequila. No thanks, Snooki. I’ll stick to my vodka on the rocks and take my chances.
5. The whole “Mumford and Sons” music genre
I don’t know what you call this, but I have to hold myself back from bursting out laughing when I see and hear guys grooving to this mush like it’s the second coming of U2. It’s not. It’s dudes with long beards strumming their guitars too vigorously and pining away for their girl to come home. Grrr. Guys, man up. Really.
With due respect to a great film like The Hangover; this is not a concept that lends itself to a trilogy. Four guys go nuts in Vegas. That’s one, maybe two movies. Grown Ups 2? I’m sorry, but no sequel necessary. Same with Basic Instinct, Blues Brothers, Caddyshack, Jaws, and Speed. I won’t mention all the animated “franchises” and their sequels. Enough with the rehashing, Hollywood.
7. Scandalized Politicians Returning
If you get caught with your pants down and just your socks on, you messed up. You guys are already rich. Get another job and move on. Your trust has been compromised for public service. It’s more than your ideas about helping the middle class. It’s about integrity. You know who you are. Adios, amigos.
8. The Decline of Food
The more they lower the bar, the higher the sales go at the burger and taco chains. And for those who think deli meat or chicken laced with pink slime are healthy alternatives, think again. The irony is that belly fill is expensive. First your wallet takes a hit, then your gut. Unfortunately, even the meat and produce we buy at the supermarket is suspect and potentially laced with pesticides and hormones and sedatives. And I did not even get into GMO’s. If they are so good for us, why can’t we see what foods have them?
9. Biased Reporting
Now we have to filter the news based on which outlet it’s coming from. That sucks. One network hates Obama and the other worships him. Where do you go for the truth? It’s a problem when news and propaganda walk hand in hand. A handful of mega global conglomerates own the major news outlets. Is this a good thing?
10. Too Much Texting
Hey you, I’m walking here. I’m sure we’ve all had to dodge those nitwits who can’t step to the side when tweeting or texting. So it’s up to us to pay attention and avoid a major collision on the subway stairs. And while you’re at it, get a life, tweetie. There are so many people in New York who need to unplug once and awhile and connect with real people in the flesh. When I came to New York I wanted to meet people, not text with my BFF’s.
Okay, enough, Guys Guy. We hear you. I guess it’s better to let off some steam than take it out on those we love or even those people we’ve had enough of.
What things annoy you enough to make you sound off?
This week’s Guy’s Guy of the Week is comedian Louie CK, for his recent rant about cell phones on Conan. Even though comedy is an attack, the best works are philosophical and circumspect.