AGING IS A CHOICE Part 29 – Dating Over Fifty (Connect online, Meet offline)
by Robert Manni
You’ve done the prep work. You know who are, what you want, and what you have to offer. Now, with that crucial step addressed, it’s time to begin meeting potential partners.
Maybe the last time you were single was decades ago or just recently. Whatever your situation, do you feel some trepidation about online dating after hearing horror stories from your friends? It’s true there are issues of dishonesty and misrepresentation online and they can become roadblocks to successful dating. But the truth is it’s also possible to find the love of your life online, even if you are over fifty. And finding someone online can be fast, efficient and highly accessible with any digital device.
Case in point, take me for example. I was a merry bachelor in Manhattan for decades before connecting with my wife, now of fifteen years, online. My wife likes to say she got me for free. And it’s true. She found me within her three day free trial of a popular dating site. I was playing the field meeting lots of New York’s single women when my wife winked at me. There was something about her quirky photo and even quirkier profile that caught my attention. I emailed her back. We met. We dated. We got married. Sometimes things fall into place just like that. I’m not suggesting this is common, but with mindful preparation and a little luck, an online meeting can lead to marriage. It happens more often than you’d think. That said, you must be in it to win it.
Based on my experience on numerous panels and giving interviews on relationships and dating for the over fifty set, here are my top tips for making online dating work.
Choose the best app(s) for you
When I was single, the choices in online dating apps were for the most part limited to Match.com, eHarmony, and a handful of others. That was then. Nowadays, there are many tailored dating services to fit search criteria including religions, spirituality, shared activities, and your dating style. The key is finding one or two services that suit your needs (maybe a big one like Match and something more tailored to who you are). Trust me; if you’re newly single with limited online dating experience, you don’t want to overextend yourself and sign up for a half dozen dating sites. If your profile and attitude are subpar, you might not get much action. On the flip side, when you are new and know how to present yourself, you could quickly get overwhelmed with suitors who take up a lot of your time. With so much choice, you risk not seeing the forest for the trees and might overlook a good match because you’re spread too thin. Choose one or two apps/online services when getting started. You’ll be glad you did.
Create a winning profile
Your online dating profile is your own personal advertisement. Like with any effective ad, you want to make an emotional connection with your target audience. That means being authentic, fun, and desirable to the kind of person you want to be with. Before building your profile, peruse a few dating sites and read other’s profiles. What words, sentiments, and photos do you connect with? When you’re ready to create your own, keep in mind the old KISS anagram…
Keep it simple, stupid
The tone of your copy should be positive, interesting, and open-minded. Above all, keep it light, positive, and honest. Honesty is important because the truth always comes out anyway. Select a few photos that communicate the real you. I suggest a headshot, maybe a group shot with your friends at an event, and a photo of you engaging in one of your favorite activities. Before posting, share your profile with a trusted friend from each sex and get a sense of how your profile represents you. Would it attract the kind of partner you are looking for? Remember, your profile is your advert, so put your best foot forward.
Post it and enjoy the ride
There will be good and bad connections, ups and downs, and often mixed messages to sift through. So, treat the process like an adventure and be open to new people and new ideas. That means showcasing the best version of yourself while reading between the lines as you search for a partner. If you are mindful, flexible, and discerning you could quickly make an online connection and have the real fun begin when meeting the person behind the profile.
Of course, you need to qualify the people you connect with online before taking the important step of meeting someone new in person. We’ll get into that next time. Meanwhile, never forget that even when dating over fifty, aging is choice. You choose how you see yourself and how you present yourself, so choose your best!
