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Sex: How Does it Impact a Relationship?

Like snowflakes, no two people are alike.

The same goes for how they are wired, sexually. If one partner is a proponent of twice a day, every day, while the other is all about quality over quantity, can the relationship survive? I’m sure we’ve all been with partners of varying degrees of sexuality. Have you ever stepped back to consider if this was a cause of a break up? Here’s my list of Guy’s Guys considerations about the importance and role of sex in a relationship.

When it’s all about the sex.

Most of us have been in a relationship or two that were driven by sexuality. Every time you get together it’s a marathon. But can it work long term? Let’s discuss. Case in point: I dated a wonderful woman for exactly eighteen months. She’d drive to my beach house every Friday where we would remain in bed until she’d drive home on Sunday night. Of course we took a few breaks for meals, walks on the boardwalk or to check out a movie. But then it was back to the sack. We broke up suddenly—a random argument. I never considered repairing the damage of a hurtful comment. Looking back, the relationship worked out perfectly for our year and a half together before it hit a wall. Was our relationship too one-dimensional? Maybe. When it was over, it was over.

Another case study: When I first moved into NYC I had so much sex with a woman I met that I did not even know that she had moved into my flat. She was an amazing physical specimen with a face and body that even caused a car accident when dude was rubbernecking while she crossed the street. When we were together, other women looked at me like I was Don Juan, probably thinking that I had some special mojo. We talked sports and music, but sex dominated our relationship and again it ended in a flash. It was worth it, but I’m not sure if our sole focus on sex contributed to our love’s ultimate demise.

When sex is not the only thing.

I have been involved in a number of meaningful relationships with fantastic women where the sex was good, but never quite at the core of the relationship. I wanted it to be, but I solely trusted my “you know what” when it came to carnal attraction. Over time, I learned that given a chance, sex could improve when you open your heart.

I began to value the companionship as much as the sex, knowing that the attraction would grow if I focused more on the person inside and not just how she looked in heels and a back teddy. That’s when I discovered that the quiet ones— ladies who don’t smoke, drink or take drugs are often sexual volcanoes. And invariably these women were highly intelligent and great companions. Then I met my wife. She gets check plusses across the board and I’m a happy and fulfilled guy.

Okay, Guy’s Guy, what’s the point of all of these random tales of your sexual escapades? The point is, sex is a personal issue. It’s whatever you want it to be. It can be a journey or a special bond between two people. It’s a gift and a game where each couple gets to make up the rules. So whether it’s twice a day every day or once a week with feeling, sex should be treated with reverence and respect. It’s also about self-discovery. It symbolizes the wonder, magic and spontaneity of life.  If you open our heart, magic can happen. It’s up to you to find out. Play safe and enjoy the ride.

How important is sex in your relationship?