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Sex on the First Date: Old Story, New Twist

You just met five minutes ago and he’s already thinking about the two of you in bed.

Ouch. I guess you were hoping for more, especially since your girlfriend gave him a thumbs up as a stand up guy.  But trust me; sex is already on his mind. Maybe it’s on yours as well.  So don’t fret. Take a deep breath and smile as you swirl that glass of Chardonnay. He’s just acting on instincts, and as my Mom likes to say, “This too shall pass.”

We all know that you only get one chance to make a good first impression and for a guy, a lot of it is about how a woman looks and handles herself. Yes, it can be shallow and superficial, but you have a choice. Either try in vain to change the psychological programming of modern men or exhale and steer the conversation in a positive way until he comes back down to Earth. Women also have their ways of checking out a guy. They look at his clothes, eyes, hands, butt, smile, shoes and then they find out what he does for a living and what makes him tick. We all want to get to know a little bit about the other person before letting down our guard. What many guys don’t understand is that to most women, they are strange and mysterious creatures until they reveal pieces of mission critical information about themselves. And what women sometimes fail to understand is that while he’s answering your questions, the right side of the guy’s brain is wondering what it would be like frolicking in bed with you. Now, I’m not saying that this is the only thing on his mind as he sits across from you, but yes, it is the elephant in the room.


I’m getting there. So let’s say that his eyes and smile sparkle and you both laugh easily over that glass of wine. And the conversation flows smoothly in a way that makes you both feel comfortable. That’s nice. And by now, you may have already considered what it would be like to date this guy. You like him and you want to know more. And, he feels the same. And both of you have been on a lot of lousy online dates since you both broke it off with your ex’s.

Of course, you’ll have another glass of wine and, yes, you’d love some of those savory appetizers. You two are having a ball. And after you put your phone away, maybe you wonder what it would be like to jump this guy’s bones. And, yes, he is thinking the same about you. After he grabs the check, you leave together for a light dinner or dessert both wondering where this may be leading.

Let’s face it. We’ve all been there. There is nothing wrong with it. But, is it wise to do the deed on the first night? That’s a loaded question. Here are two-sides of the issue.


You are both adults.  You bust your butt all day at your job and you want what you want when you want it. That’s understandable. So, if it feels right, you just might feel like accompanying him back to his place to rumple up his 800 count sheets.  Hey, this relationship could be off to an explosive beginning. And, it can work from there. Why not?  And if it does not rock your world, chalk it up to, oops.

There is nothing wrong with going for what feels right as long as you are responsible for your actions. Who knows how this could play out? Depending on how you feel, he could be ‘The One’, a f— buddy/new friend with benefits, or whatever the heck you want him to be. It’s your life and you are going to live it your way. You know that this is a rare occasion, but, dammit, maybe you feel like doing it with this guy, tonight.

And, don’t think he’s not a little apprehensive about this, too. If he’s not a lunatic, he wants it and he probably really likes what he sees in you, but he does not want to go so fast that he scares you away. At the same he’s thinking that this is how things are supposed to work. Work hard. Play hard. Then figure it out.


 What’s the hurry? If things were going well, wouldn’t it be better to let the fires simmer for a few days before the big event? I mean, regardless of how chock full your schedule may be, I’m sure you can find time for this exciting new person in your life.

And, what if he takes you for granted, or worse? Most guys I now will wonder if you are so quick to drop your thong if this is what happens every time a dude springs for drinks and dinner. Did I hear “deal-breaker”? And, you are not that type of girl, are you now? Even worse—maybe he’s a wham bam machine and you are just the latest in a long line who have fallen prey to his steely green eyes and electric smile. Oops, you’ve been had.

I could go on and on, but you get the picture.


Keep your wits about you and use your common sense. This Guy’s Guy believes that when the time is right, good things happen. That very well may be on the first date or on the seventh date. There are no hard rules to follow beyond keeping your inner compass pointed squarely at what feels right for you. And if your new man is a bona fide Guy’s Guy, he’ll understand and respect you for your decision to hold off for now. Just make sure that when the moment arrives, you make it worth the wait. 😉 Yeah, I just used an emoticon.

Guy’s Guy of The Week: “That guy” you met online that you’re seeing this weekend.