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The Guys’ Guy’s Guide to Drinking

Guy’s Guys can handle their liquor. No drunk dialing, no picking fights, no hurling out of the cab window on the way home.

I’ve had my share of nights out on the town—some that have turned into morning—but for the most part I stayed out of trouble and knew when to call it a night—or sometimes, a day.

Being in the ad business, I’ve worked on a number of very successful spirits accounts. I’ve spent hours and hours sitting behind the focus group glass listening to consumers of various age groups discuss how they drink. It’s been an education, and as in other areas of culture, things have changed. People drink differently now. Some Millennials are in a mad rush to get drunk when they go out with their friends, and their spirit preferences have evolved, too.  From clear brown goods to sweet candy-like lower proof vodka, it’s all about choices. But it’s alcohol, so it’s important to be careful that those cocktails that taste like our childhood (cereal, cake, and cookie flavors) don’t sneak up and lead to problems. Since there is no rule book that tells men how to behave when imbibing in beer, wine and spirits, here is a distilled version of your Guys’ Guy’s Guide to Drinking. Pull up a bar stool and enjoy. Cheers!


Many drinkers under thirty-five start out their evening pounding trays of shots—everything from cupcake icing-flavored vodka to “pickle backs” (Scotch chased with pickle juice). That’s the new way of kicking off the festivities.  This can make the night random, unpredictable and reckless. That’s part of the fun.  That said, Guy’s Guys are built for the long haul. They stay in control and can hold their booze. One way of maintaining control is by forgoing shots until the end of the evening.  If you need to down a shot to respect your posse, fine, but don’t become a victim of too much too soon, or it will quickly become night-night and you’ll be considered a lightweight.


Women are not attracted to guys who are drunk. Never. After a few rounds, you might start believing that you are a ladies man, but be careful not to let the alcohol clown you. Don’t get drunk around women and do your best to keep your date sober. Drunken women, especially on dates, can turn into a handful. When you’re on a date, take it slow, have fun and go easy on the champagne. If you are out on your own or with friends at a club, keep your distance from the ladies who have had too much to drink. You might think they’re easy, but that’s a coward’s way and you’ll more likely find yourself with an unwanted problem in the club or when she throws up in the back of the cab.

Know When To Say When.

This is the toughest challenge, but it is the most important skill to learn.  Quick story. I became a non-smoker twenty years ago. During my first decade of not smoking, I’d know that I had had too much to drink if I had the urge to light up after a few drinks. That was my trigger and signal to stop drinking and call it a night, and it worked. Find something like that if you can because once you go over the top it’s tough to stop the roller coaster until you get the spins or worse, are hugging the bowl. There is no reason to get drunk. Nothing good happens when you’re wasted. That’s why you need to…

Pace Yourself. 

It’s easy to get caught up in a party atmosphere and keep up with your friends, but it’s a losing game. Every guy has his own rhythm. Find yours and stick to it. I have a couple of friends who are big guys. They can drink a helluva lot of beer, fast. These guys really pound. I can’t. For some reason my belly fills up faster. I was not enjoying that sixth, seventh, or thirteenth beer, so over time I dialed down my pace. And don’t try matching rounds of mixed drinks or wine with rounds of beer. No way, amigo.

Hydrate and Consume.

Drink a glass of water after every cocktail, beer or glass of wine and you’ll feel a lot better the next day. Eating something besides salty cocktail peanuts or a slice of pizza on the way home is also highly recommended. It soaks up the alcohol and provides necessary nutrients.  If you can, down a big glass of water or a sports drink before hitting the sack and repeat immediately upon awakening. A bloody Mary or another beer will not start the next day off the way you want, even on the weekend.

Hey, like any Guy’s Guy, I enjoy a good time, but I’ve seen far too many good men make fools of themselves or get into unnecessary trouble with the law after too many drinks and an overly long night of partying. Take it easy on yourself, fellas.  You will have a better time, be more appealing to the ladies, and feel and look a lot better in the morning.

Can you or your guy handle alcohol?

This week’s Guy’s Guys of the Week are Bradley Cooper, Eminem and Colin Farrell—three dudes who have learned how to succeed and party without booze.