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The Love Holiday That Everyone Hates…

Repeat after me—“I do not hate Valentine’s Day.” 

But, I dread it and I’d like to have a chat with St. Valentine. He might be a saint, but he’s got some explaining to do. The myths behind this man are as confounding as the commercial celebration of love that sprang from his legend. Was he really beaten to death with clubs, beheaded after restoring sight and hearing to the daughter of his jailer, or was his legend a creation of Chaucer? Until the twentieth century, the tales surrounding this enigmatic man were spun more times than a soggy pair of undies in the dryer. Then the corporations saw the dollar signs and produced syrupy greeting cards, milk chocolate hearts, and costume jewelry to build the “brand”. Because it’s a commercialized holiday we’re also subjected to price gouging at restaurants and florists. My informal research found that when most men and women see February 14th and that big red heart on their calendars they panic.

What comes to mind when we think of Valentine’s Day?  

Pressure. If you’re single, Valentine’s Day reminds you very clearly that if you’re not in a relationship that you’re not on the invitation list to life’s love-in. And if you’re in a relationship, then you have to up your game and deliver the goods—big time. Women love flowers and chocolates, and like receiving them unexpectedly… on any other day than Feb. 14th. And if you give her jewelry on V-Day it better be the real stuff.

Men are simple. They love seeing their women dolled up in lingerie, but if her outfit is for the man, then who buys it on Valentine’s Day? Tiptoeing around Victoria’s Secret and sifting through teddies, garters and thongs can be unsettling for a guy. And he probably forgot what size she wears and does not want to make a mistake. You’ve seen the men wandering around the lingerie department, checking out women’s boobs and wondering if they’re the same size as their girlfriend’s. Trust me—men are uncomfortable discussing cup sizes with the sales girl. That’s pressure.

So how can we get through this annual ordeal?

Be flexible and relax. My wife’s birthday is on February 12th so I’m totally screwed. But there’s hope for others. Experts say that February 14th is the best night for single ladies to get lucky. That’s if they can muster up their posse for a manhunt. So, if you are a single guy, get your butt out on that night. And when you hit the bars for once keep your eyes off the hockey game and on those ladies looking for their slice of man-meat. If you’re a guy in a relationship, buy her a well-deserved pampering at a top shelf spa or cook her a romantic dinner and give her flowers and a hand-written card. If you’re a woman, go with the lipstick and push up bra ensemble to rock his world. Trust me, that’s all he wants. As for me, I’m going to clean the condo before taking my wife out to her favorite raw food restaurant. But I’ll do that on her birthday. Then I’ll wish for February 15th.

Our Guy’s Guy of the Week? Who else but Cupid, that naughty little cherub.