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When Guys Say “No” to Sex

Yes, you read the title correctly. In this new world of ours, women have accomplished feats and held roles that were traditionally “male”. If you don’t believe me, just ask Rosemary Flores, a female wrestler at Curtis High School in New York who not only competes, but is also the captain of the boy’s team. And she boasted an 11-0 record including nine pins—against boys.

Things have changed and there are no signs of slowing down, nor should there be. Since all bets are off in the dating world and young women are often the aggressors in the pursuit of a partner, what happens when guys say no to sex? Believe it or not, it happens; and it also happens with middle-age guys. So ladies of all ages, next time you dim the lights and bust a move on your man and he doesn’t respond the way you want, consider the following before taking things personally or freaking out. (That’s not good for anyone!)

It’s not all good news, but remember: guys are people, too.

Just One Night

Okay, maybe the two of you went on a bender starting with shots of whipped cream vodka before hitting the club. It’s been a long night and perhaps you’ve both indulged in some form of stimulants. (Imagine that.) So it’s 5AM and you’re wondering why he hasn’t jumped your bones. It might not be a problem. He may be so wired that all he wants is more of whatever you two have been ingesting, or maybe he’s so wired that he’s just trying to chill. Speedy stimulants are not great for the male sexual apparatus. A guy might be there mentally, but physically it’s not working. Or, one night he might be totally stressed out from work or whatever is being thrown his way. If “no thank you” happens once in a blue moon, don’t fret. He’ll learn to slow down and you’ll make sure he focuses on you.

Months Pass By…

This is not a good sign. Sure, no means no whether you’re a guy or a gal, but if your guy has passed up sex for a prolonged period of time and he is under sixty: Houston, you’ve got a problem. Every situation is different, but a healthy, robust sex life is part of the core DNA of a healthy relationship between partners—men and women, women and women, men and men. Sex rocks and since it takes two to tango and you’ve been left on the dance floor, I suggest that you sit your partner down and have a talk. Maybe it will turn out to be “the talk”, but you need some kind of talk for context.

The Causes

A noted professor of gender studies at Pasadena City College claims that it’s not you; it’s him. He states, “Men are turned on by success. Get a job or promotion and bam, you’re ready to go. Move back with your parents? Lose your job? You don’t feel sexy.” I think he’s right. The mind plays a major factor in sex. That said, guys should not define their value by their job status, and when duty calls, they need to focus on the job at hand. Faster than you can say, Boing, a wonderful, willing partner can cure most psychological doubts in the mind. And if it’s still not working, maybe you two are destined for the friend zone.

What Can Be Done?

Some women report that once they had the talk or even made overtures about breaking it off, the guy’s sexual desire made a miraculous comeback. Again, the mind can play tricks on the male psyche. Although guys need an occasional trip to the woodshed, it’s also important that women help their man feel virile by boosting up his morale instead of putting him down.

Our Guy’s Guy of the Week is Simon Cowell, a guy who’s never had a problem saying “No.”

What do you do when your guy says no?