Guy's Guy™
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Why It’s Tough Being A Guy…Especially A Guy’s Guy

I’ve spent my share of time taking guys to the woodshed for a well-deserved written spanking about their occasional clueless behavior towards women, but there are always two sides to a story. Womenare on a straight trajectory of ascension and recognition. They have proven without a doubt that they can do anything guys can do, with the exception of peeing while standing. Men on the other hand are being bombarded with a frenzy of perspectives about how they should look, feel, and behave. It’s called pressure, ladies. Even Mark Zuckerberg was under the microscope for his company’s valuation and his choice in rings.  And good old Mitt Romney has taken a few licks for misspelling the name of the country he so badly wants to lead. So, let’s give the bros a break because things have gotten way too complicated on the manning up front. Yeah, these days it can be tough being male in general and especially being a Guy’s Guy. Guys get a lot of mixed signals thrown their way and they get judged about everything. Consider the following if you will…

Mixed Messages That Guys Get

If we’re not being force-fed MMA battles as a sideshow to our speed metal concerts we’re being assaulted with incentives for he-waxing, mantyhose, and moisturizer. What’s a guy supposed to think? Or do? Sure, he can embrace it, but his friends will laugh and probably question his masculinity and most likely kick his butt if he dons brosiery or foundation to an MMA event.

Communication Is Different With Guys

We know how guys are now strictly trained to think and behave all PC around women, but that’s tough and not what guys are all about. Allow me to digress. Yesterday, a male colleague and I met with a very sharp female media executive about GGG2Love. The obvious TV show comparisons came up but just because my novel is about guys, the show comparisons don’t always translate into lady land. GGG2Love isn’t a male “Sex and the City” because guys don’t sit around in groups of four drinking cosmos and discussing women. They just don’t do that. Guys usually hang out in pairs, drinking beer and remaining in close proximity to a TV airing sports. Think of two thirsty lone wolves lapping up drinks while exchanging information via grunts or short sentences. Four male egos become tedious anywhere but on the golf course.

PC vs. Truth

My male collaborator and our female colleague agreed that “Entourage” was too misogynistic to be compared to GGG2Love. Maybe, but I held my tongue. Here’s why. Guys objectify women.  There, I said it. And we do it really well. That doesn’t mean all the time. It means we are simple creatures that get turned on easily by a sexy smile and rocking pair of legs in four-inch heels and a short, tight skirt. Admit it – it works every time and you smile to yourself when you see his reaction.  “But why doesn’t he want to make love to me when I’m wearing sweats and no makeup and my hair is wrapped in a scrunchie?” Don’t worry. He still loves you, baby, but he gets really excited when you slip your pilates-toned bod into that black teddy. Just sayin’.

Things Guys Don’t Do That Women Do

It’s summer and everyone is on the move. So let’s say Mom is coming in from Cali and there is no place for her to sleep… except in your bed. No problem for a night, or even two. You’ve probably racked with your Mom or sister or your coltish college roommate. Maybe even a little spooning with that cute roomie back in the day?

Guys don’t hop into the same bed as Daddy or their buds. Ever. Why? For some reason, unless you’re both hunkered down in a foxhole ducking the enemy, it feels creepy.  I have no friggin idea why, but it’s true. And guys don’t check each other’s outfits out and comment with anything more than, “Finally, a new shirt. The other one wear out already?” or something in that vein. Men are insecure and competitive so we don’t dole out too many compliments to each other.

And here’s another one of our quirks: we don’t lend out our clothes to other dudes.  A good buddy told me a story about a friend visiting for the weekend during which there was a major drop in temperature. So, he lends his bud a sweater. He checks him out wearing his sweater. And then he tells his friend to keep the sweater. Unlike women, guys don’t ever want to see other guys in their clothes. We just don’t do that.

And, for the record, we suck at the kind of greetings women handle so breezily – like the air kisses, cheek kisses and boob-against-boob hugging. It’s taken men two thousand years to evolve to the now ubiquitous knuckle pounding and other base greetings that mean, “Hey, man. Yeah, we’re dudes. That’s enough.”

So the next time you check out your special man from across the room as he happily sits staring at the Yankees game with his cap on backwards with a handful of wheat (your idea) pretzels in one hand and micro-brewski in the other, don’t be so quick to judge the poor bastard. He’s got a lot on his mind to process about just being a man in today’s world.

Guy’s Guy of The Week: the red-blooded all-American male. Oh where, oh where has he gone?

What do you think it’s like being a man?

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