Why Men And Women Still Have Trouble Connecting
A forty-something friend of mine still thinks he can score dates by handing out his business card.
Unfortunately, this is a true story. After writing, promoting, and talking with people about my novel, The Guys’ Guy’s Guide To Love, I realized that men and women continue to drift apart, and the chasm is growing wider. Both sexes see the other through their own lens and ego, so they never really understand each other. It’s that simple, folks.
There are two fundamental differences in how women and men perceive each other’s behavior. First, women pay attention to the little things and men don’t. And, as we all know, success or failure is in the details. And because of men’s lack of attentiveness, many go through life clueless about how to connect with women.
Let’s explore my male friend and his pockets filled of ego and business cards. When he told me about his technique, I asked him if it works. He gave me a blank stare that meant, nope. I suggested that if a woman is interested they don’t want your business card. They want you to ASK THEM OUT. In fact, this is exactly what I told him. “Tell her that you’d like to see her and be specific. ‘Why don’t we have coffee tomorrow after work at this little French place on Madison and 75th?’ Make her feel wanted, make her life easy, and put your ass on the line. If she’s interested she will jump at the chance. If she is not, at least you’ll know and can move on. Hot women get hit on all day, every day. You need to stand out from the crowd, amigo.” He laughed, which was better than him punching me in the face.
Concurrently, while men are driven by their egos, women can overanalyze men. No man is going to fit the bill of a twenty-point and growing list of “must have deal-breakers”. And there seems to be a correlation between the length of her “list” and how long it has been since her last relationship. Another thing to keep in mind is that while you are building your list, he still isn’t paying attention. Step one—get him to pay attention. Step two—chuck the list and follow your heart and intuition.
Let’s take a look at how a lady sees things. A very attractive forty-something female friend recently told me that she did not understand why her boyfriend seemed so jealous and almost controlling (my word, not hers) about her male friends and colleagues. Predictably, his only question about her male friends was if she had f-ed them. That’s it. Sorry, that’s how most guys think. They are clueless about the threat of an emotional connection to another man. As usual it’s all about his you-know-what. And that’s another example of how the sexes differ in their thinking. Her guy works with a bunch of talented, good-looking women. I asked her what would upset her more, if her guy had picked up and slept with a random woman once or if he had an emotional connection one of his coworkers. She said that both scenarios would be equally troubling. Men and women don’t really understand each other.
What can be done? For this Guy’s Guy, the real issue is understanding, and it’s a challenge for men and women. A major step would be to do our best to put ourselves in the shoes of the other person or sex.
If you’re a guy, try to visualize what it must be like to be a woman. She has to put up with all of the shit men pull every day, whether it is having their eyes riveted to your boobs when they are talking with you, not calling when they says they will, inequalities in the workplace, and all of the other female stuff that guys don’t have to deal with. Guys, we have it easy. Be nice to the ladies!
If you are a woman, please be gentle with us. Men are flawed and nowadays our roles are either under the microscope or ignored. Young men have no role models and middle-age guys are deemed obsolete unless they have major bank. Our identities are caught somewhere in a no man’s land between the MMA and manscaping. Work with us, ladies. We want to do better and you can help us grow.
Guy’s Guy of The Week: Gary Zukav, author of the “The Seat of the Soul”. His book is about harmony, cooperation and understanding.
How are you really connecting with the opposite sex?